He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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