I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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