This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
