Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
