I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My feet surprised me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
