I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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