I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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