Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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