oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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