I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
