Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
