I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
