I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
