i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
