You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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