the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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