I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
