My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
