the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He felt like a one man threesome
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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