Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
