Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
