I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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