he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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