Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
