still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
