Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
