i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
