just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
