sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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