i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
