worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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