I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
