What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
did i just pee glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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