where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
