Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
