are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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