I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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