mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
