so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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