Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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