A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Less talking, more tequila
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
