it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
