My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
