He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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