I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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