I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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