Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we're making bets on your personal life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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