I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
