after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
