im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
