thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
