How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
