Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
