My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
