my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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