how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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