Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can I color on your dick again?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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