I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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