the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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