I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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